So, Happy Purim to the Jews out there. And to the rest of you...hamantaschen are WAY better than Christmas cookies.
This Purim was especially hilarious for me, as not only did one Rabbi cross dress while the other played the villain Haman by wearing nothing but jeans and a Terrell Owens jersey for a costume, but the megillah reading was a warm-up act for the real comedy: Lewis Black, who did mostly new material and seemed surprisingly pleased to be playing a synagogue for the first time in his career. I was especially happy with the Jew-specific humor. I was expecting him to say a few words about being there, but to do synagogue and Purim jokes? That was special. I also enjoyed his ability to be a little more frank than usual when mocking other religions (and using the first person plural, as he himself was "born and raised Jewish"). My favorite was his usual bit about how Christmas is totally out of control and people start shopping when the season begins around July 5th. But then he went the Jewish route and said "And we look at these stupid assholes trying to get all their shopping done BEFORE Christmas, and all we can say is 'You guys realize this shit is all 40% off the day after Christmas, right?' If you're smart you'll just put a box under the tree with a note in it that says you'll get a toaster in a month."
Kudos to DeluxX for getting us prime seats front and center 6 rows back.
Also, raspberry hamantaschen with chocolate chips are officially the best holiday cookie in any religion. Between Princess Lolly and my mother, I think I've gained 5 pounds on them this week.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
My Mailbox
I think I need to start checking my mail more frequently. I just checked my mailbox today (for the third time this academic year), and here's a partial list of what I found:
-A travel expenses reimbursement check for an interview I had over 2 months ago (the company still hasn't gotten back to me about it though--I'm starting to think rejected)
-A Happy Kwanzaa card (which got glitter all over my hands; well played, Groucho)
-A notification of the classes in which I successfully enrolled for this current semester
-A notification that I will no longer be considered an eligible voter in Philadelphia--and will have to go through some affidavit-signing mumbo-jumbo to vote again--if I don't return a form within 30 days of the notification date...which is 33 days ago
Also, I slipped on a giant thing of ice today and hurt both my legs. Laying on your back, temporarily unable to move, watching snow fall down on you is quite a contemplation-inducing experience. Ow. But as I lay there on the ice, with a giggling yet concerned Princess Lolly dangling a grocery bag over my face so I wouldn't have to eat snow as I panted my way through convalescence, I thought about the precious things in life we sometimes take for granted--and shouldn't. Things like the immense value of having a friend there when you're in pain or in trouble, and on a more basic level, your legs.
-A travel expenses reimbursement check for an interview I had over 2 months ago (the company still hasn't gotten back to me about it though--I'm starting to think rejected)
-A Happy Kwanzaa card (which got glitter all over my hands; well played, Groucho)
-A notification of the classes in which I successfully enrolled for this current semester
-A notification that I will no longer be considered an eligible voter in Philadelphia--and will have to go through some affidavit-signing mumbo-jumbo to vote again--if I don't return a form within 30 days of the notification date...which is 33 days ago
Also, I slipped on a giant thing of ice today and hurt both my legs. Laying on your back, temporarily unable to move, watching snow fall down on you is quite a contemplation-inducing experience. Ow. But as I lay there on the ice, with a giggling yet concerned Princess Lolly dangling a grocery bag over my face so I wouldn't have to eat snow as I panted my way through convalescence, I thought about the precious things in life we sometimes take for granted--and shouldn't. Things like the immense value of having a friend there when you're in pain or in trouble, and on a more basic level, your legs.
Monday, February 19, 2007
My Constraint II
Follow up: Cynara's gymnastics meet went great. Thanks to the support of her teammates and my friends, I managed to get in signage, chanting, foam fingers...and there may have been a ninja involved. Cynara's sister (who probably needs her own name here) gave me the sweetest compliment: "[Cynara's teammates] are probably all wishing they were dating Eagles fans." I was really touched. Shoutouts of thanks to Super King, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, and two people who need to pick names.
[Editor's Addendum: Special thanks to the First Tiger for coming up with the brilliant signage over burgers. Thanks to his scheme, we were a more organized cheering section than any of the teams themselves--which is saying something given their matching leotards.]
And now for something funny...does the following line from the NY Times raise any eyebrows or set off any warning bells in anyone's mind but mine?
"During his 21 years as steward of the Yale endowment, Mr. Swensen has generated an annual compound growth rate of 16.3 percent, beating the performance of Harvard's endowment and that of every other major school in the country over the same period, according to data compiled by Yale."
And for something old that's still funny...this summer, our house dean ran into Rick Blaine and said: "[Rick Blaine]! You've been at the top of my "To Do" list for weeks now!"
Awkward turtle.
[Editor's Addendum: Special thanks to the First Tiger for coming up with the brilliant signage over burgers. Thanks to his scheme, we were a more organized cheering section than any of the teams themselves--which is saying something given their matching leotards.]
And now for something funny...does the following line from the NY Times raise any eyebrows or set off any warning bells in anyone's mind but mine?
"During his 21 years as steward of the Yale endowment, Mr. Swensen has generated an annual compound growth rate of 16.3 percent, beating the performance of Harvard's endowment and that of every other major school in the country over the same period, according to data compiled by Yale."
And for something old that's still funny...this summer, our house dean ran into Rick Blaine and said: "[Rick Blaine]! You've been at the top of my "To Do" list for weeks now!"
Awkward turtle.
Friday, February 16, 2007
My Russian Education
This post is to flesh out the postscript in the previous post. I realized that some people might still have the wrong idea. For those who think they have to learn a lot about Russians, let me disabuse you of that notion and tell you everything you need to know about Russia right here in a convenient Top 10 list:
10- "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" -Frank Zappa
9- It's easier to store dolls in other dolls.
8- Something about Dr. Strangelove. I never saw the movie, but my finance professor talked about it. Apparently it involves Russians.
7- Mutually assured destruction prevents destruction as long as everyone has a lot to lose.
6- Russian Submarines create drama. And a nuclear naval presence. But mainly drama.
5- The Volga river is somewhere in Russia. It once got me a point on an AP World History Geography quiz the first week of class my senior year of high school. It might do the same for you one day.
4- Commies.
3- Philip J. Fry's dad hates Commies.
2- Daffodil.
And the number one thing that everyone needs to know...
1- Never wage a land war in Russia during the winter.
(seriously...just don't)
10- "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" -Frank Zappa
9- It's easier to store dolls in other dolls.
8- Something about Dr. Strangelove. I never saw the movie, but my finance professor talked about it. Apparently it involves Russians.
7- Mutually assured destruction prevents destruction as long as everyone has a lot to lose.
6- Russian Submarines create drama. And a nuclear naval presence. But mainly drama.
5- The Volga river is somewhere in Russia. It once got me a point on an AP World History Geography quiz the first week of class my senior year of high school. It might do the same for you one day.
4- Commies.
3- Philip J. Fry's dad hates Commies.
2- Daffodil.
And the number one thing that everyone needs to know...
1- Never wage a land war in Russia during the winter.
(seriously...just don't)
My Bad Memory
A lot of funny things have happened to me lately, and I keep saying "that's totally going in my blog!" But to my faithful readers I must apologize, as I seem to be forgetting them before I get to a computer. The only thing I can remember is a rather embarrassing comment by Sheba about Lombard Street being from a Doctor Seuss book. But I won't quote that here.
Today I went to a play, or rather, 6 short plays, all by David Ives. Many of Cynara's friends are in the theater group which put it on (including Cynara herself, the Art Director). I was pleasantly surprised to realize I had seen half of them already, including my favorite one of the lot, The Philadelphia. The only thing I don't like about it is the absolutely stupid notion that Los Angeles is better than Philadelphia. At least they admitted New York and Hell were really the same place in another play. Also, there was a kosher cheesesteak on the menu in The Philadelphia. I want one.
Cynara also invited me to the cast party. I have mixed feelings about this. I don't want to intrude, as I'd clearly be out of place, but on the other hand, I've always wanted to see what a cast party was like.
Under 17 hours until I meet the parents.
PS - I embarrassingly confused Trotsky and Tolstoy in public again. I think it's just time to fess up to the world that I really don't care about the Russians, their writers, their politics, or their famous people. I know enough to understand the "must crush capitalism"joke in the Simpsons, and everything after that is superfluous. So here's my public acknowledgment: I don't read the Russians, nor do I ever intend to. I don't even read ABOUT the Russians. Apologies to Queen Frostine, but they're just too boring.
Today I went to a play, or rather, 6 short plays, all by David Ives. Many of Cynara's friends are in the theater group which put it on (including Cynara herself, the Art Director). I was pleasantly surprised to realize I had seen half of them already, including my favorite one of the lot, The Philadelphia. The only thing I don't like about it is the absolutely stupid notion that Los Angeles is better than Philadelphia. At least they admitted New York and Hell were really the same place in another play. Also, there was a kosher cheesesteak on the menu in The Philadelphia. I want one.
Cynara also invited me to the cast party. I have mixed feelings about this. I don't want to intrude, as I'd clearly be out of place, but on the other hand, I've always wanted to see what a cast party was like.
Under 17 hours until I meet the parents.
PS - I embarrassingly confused Trotsky and Tolstoy in public again. I think it's just time to fess up to the world that I really don't care about the Russians, their writers, their politics, or their famous people. I know enough to understand the "must crush capitalism"joke in the Simpsons, and everything after that is superfluous. So here's my public acknowledgment: I don't read the Russians, nor do I ever intend to. I don't even read ABOUT the Russians. Apologies to Queen Frostine, but they're just too boring.
Monday, February 05, 2007
My First Attempt at Linguistics
First, sorry for the drop-off in posts. I had major computer problems (now I'm on a new one), and then I wasn't very funny for a while. Anyway, a few humorous memories:
When told I'd enjoy linguistics:
"Too much language, not enough istics." And I mean it. I love istics.
And later, to emphasize the "istics":
DeluxX: Pretty soon we're gonna be taking the derivative of a sentence to give it new meaning...when does it end [PiFry], when?
Me: Not to give it NEW meaning...just to interpret the rate of change of the original meaning
And irrelevantly, from the New York Times:
"Last week in Beijing, a foreign ministry spokeswoman failed to respond directly to a debris question. Asked if the satellite’s remains would threaten other spacecraft, she asserted that China’s policy was to keep space free of weapons." [China recently blew up a satellite for fun]
(Does that count as journalism? It's certainly better than CNN's show where they read blogs out loud...)
When told I'd enjoy linguistics:
"Too much language, not enough istics." And I mean it. I love istics.
And later, to emphasize the "istics":
DeluxX: Pretty soon we're gonna be taking the derivative of a sentence to give it new meaning...when does it end [PiFry], when?
Me: Not to give it NEW meaning...just to interpret the rate of change of the original meaning
And irrelevantly, from the New York Times:
"Last week in Beijing, a foreign ministry spokeswoman failed to respond directly to a debris question. Asked if the satellite’s remains would threaten other spacecraft, she asserted that China’s policy was to keep space free of weapons." [China recently blew up a satellite for fun]
(Does that count as journalism? It's certainly better than CNN's show where they read blogs out loud...)
Monday, January 22, 2007
My National Champion
So after the last two elections, bumper stickers and buttons came out saying things like "Al Gore is MY President" or "Kerry is MY President." Well you know what? Boise State is MY National Champion (for college football). The only undefeated team in the country, winning the Fiesta Bowl on a series of miracle plays, including a last ditch hook-and-ladder to force an overtime and a gutsy and miraculous Statue of Liberty 2 point conversion to win in overtime. Florida? Ohio State? USC? Please. Boise State is my #1.
Which brought up an interesting question...what would Boise State running back Ian Johnson have to do to have a better day than he did at the Fiesta Bowl? In addition to his 101 rushing yards and a touchdown, this guy carried the ball from the quarterback's hands on the last play of the game in overtime (the Statue of Liberty), and ran it into the endzone untouched, completing a come-from-behind victory--both in the game and the entire football program's history. He then threw the ball into the stands, ran over to Chrissy, his cheerleader girlfriend, and proposed on national television with countless fans--both old and new--watching and cheering his victory and engagement.
So here's what a better day would have to look like (thanks to First Tiger for his help in figuring this out):
-Wins the Superbowl
-Finds out that after a year of trying, Chrissy is finally pregnant
-Discovers that the cancer he had been battling all year has not only gone into remission, but has been completely cured
-Realizes the cancer was cured by something he ingested, and on the back of a sheet of paper--the front being what he used to personally script the miracle play that won the Superbowl of course (did I forget to mention that?)--writes down the chemical formula for a drug that will cure cancer forever.
-Is immediately informed he'll be winning a Nobel Prize for what he just did, and declares his intent to donate all the money to feed hungry children
-Uses his clout to push through nationalized health insurance for everyone
-Osama bin Laden, after seeing and hearing of this, declares that no civilization that could produce such a man as Ian Johnson could possibly be evil, calls off the whole jihad thing, and after a 5 minute congratulatory phone conversation with the running back, accepts Ian's plan for world peace, and the two of them get every nation in the world to sign onto it.
Oh yeah and -Wins the lottery
If you take out any one or two of those, the day probably ranks in the "Top 2" category.
Which brought up an interesting question...what would Boise State running back Ian Johnson have to do to have a better day than he did at the Fiesta Bowl? In addition to his 101 rushing yards and a touchdown, this guy carried the ball from the quarterback's hands on the last play of the game in overtime (the Statue of Liberty), and ran it into the endzone untouched, completing a come-from-behind victory--both in the game and the entire football program's history. He then threw the ball into the stands, ran over to Chrissy, his cheerleader girlfriend, and proposed on national television with countless fans--both old and new--watching and cheering his victory and engagement.
So here's what a better day would have to look like (thanks to First Tiger for his help in figuring this out):
-Wins the Superbowl
-Finds out that after a year of trying, Chrissy is finally pregnant
-Discovers that the cancer he had been battling all year has not only gone into remission, but has been completely cured
-Realizes the cancer was cured by something he ingested, and on the back of a sheet of paper--the front being what he used to personally script the miracle play that won the Superbowl of course (did I forget to mention that?)--writes down the chemical formula for a drug that will cure cancer forever.
-Is immediately informed he'll be winning a Nobel Prize for what he just did, and declares his intent to donate all the money to feed hungry children
-Uses his clout to push through nationalized health insurance for everyone
-Osama bin Laden, after seeing and hearing of this, declares that no civilization that could produce such a man as Ian Johnson could possibly be evil, calls off the whole jihad thing, and after a 5 minute congratulatory phone conversation with the running back, accepts Ian's plan for world peace, and the two of them get every nation in the world to sign onto it.
Oh yeah and -Wins the lottery
If you take out any one or two of those, the day probably ranks in the "Top 2" category.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
My Jealousy
Chuck: "Well, it's 5am, and my first class is at 3pm, so I should go to sleep so I can get a solid 9 1/2 hours."
Also, what's up with almost everyone I know having a job except me? Not to mention a working computer...I miss my Excel.
Is there any interest on posts concerning serious issues? Like Rendell's new Healthcare plan for Pennsylvania? Or maybe stuff that happens to me in life? Or should I just stick with the funny?
Random Futurama Quote:
Also, what's up with almost everyone I know having a job except me? Not to mention a working computer...I miss my Excel.
Is there any interest on posts concerning serious issues? Like Rendell's new Healthcare plan for Pennsylvania? Or maybe stuff that happens to me in life? Or should I just stick with the funny?
Random Futurama Quote:
Sunday, January 14, 2007
My Random Eavesdroppings
Rick Blaine, on the phone: "You're totally awesome; I'm so impressed. What you do is amazing...yeah, sounds great...ok...I love you too...all right, goodnight, Chuck."
Lilly's friend overheard the following: "So I was breastfeeding this kitten..."
When seeing the movie Troy, in theaters, after a guy named Achilles, who has been the main character for 2+ hours, gets shot in the heel: "OH! Achilles HEEL! I get it now..."
When seeing Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, over 2 hours after it was announced that Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader impregnated Padme, and after hearing a droid announce that she's carrying twins: "OH! Luke and Leia!"
Lilly's friend overheard the following: "So I was breastfeeding this kitten..."
When seeing the movie Troy, in theaters, after a guy named Achilles, who has been the main character for 2+ hours, gets shot in the heel: "OH! Achilles HEEL! I get it now..."
When seeing Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, over 2 hours after it was announced that Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader impregnated Padme, and after hearing a droid announce that she's carrying twins: "OH! Luke and Leia!"
Friday, January 12, 2007
My Really Weird Conversation in a Grocery Store
Me: For some reason I smelled peanut butter today when there wasn't any.
Cynara: Are you sure you're not pregnant?
Me: You want me to get tested for that, don't you?
Cynara: If you don't mind.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm...
Cynara: Look, I don't mind raising it, but Chuck has to pay child support.
Me: I'm telling him you said that.
Cynara: I'm sure any child you two had would be a good kid.
Me: Forget telling just Chuck. This is totally going in my blog.
Cynara: I'm just assuming it's his...but come on, whose else could it be?
Cynara: Are you sure you're not pregnant?
Me: You want me to get tested for that, don't you?
Cynara: If you don't mind.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm...
Cynara: Look, I don't mind raising it, but Chuck has to pay child support.
Me: I'm telling him you said that.
Cynara: I'm sure any child you two had would be a good kid.
Me: Forget telling just Chuck. This is totally going in my blog.
Cynara: I'm just assuming it's his...but come on, whose else could it be?
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