Taking a break from the political, for my more apathetic readers, I'd like to go on a small rant about people leaving, as Kevin James says, "long ass boring messages on my machine." I get the worst voicemail messages sometimes.
But today was the worst. I got a really unbelievably long message that included 61 seconds about leftover balloons and if I wanted them. Later I realized the woman leaving the message was asking if my KIDS wanted the leftover balloons from the wedding this past weekend.
Seriously, people, if you don't have much to say--or anything at all to say--say it quickly. Also, if you don't know me, don't leave messages on my machine. And lastly, please don't start the first 10 seconds of a voicemail with the tail end of a conversation you're having with someone else. It confuses me to no end, because I assume--perhaps erroneously--that things you say to my answering machine are for my ears and in some way pertain to me.
I'd like to take this moment to thank Sergeant Trouser (a new pseudonym for this blog) for leaving an interesting message on my voicemail. If only more people could be like him. This was his voicemail message, and the rest of you could learn a lesson in being interesting from him:
"How DARE you not pick up when I call!! You had better be either (a) having sex, (b) talking to George Lucas or (c) doing something incredibly important for your boss. I understand not wanting to get fired. But if it's anything else, I'm going to be SEVERELY disappointed in you."
(Editor's Note: I don't have kids, and I didn't attend a wedding this weekend.)
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