My Almost Major

My high school physics teacher made quite a few attempts to get me to major in physics. I still like physics, even though I never took a course in it in college. And the other day, DeluxX sent me a list of signs that one might be a physics major. I was surprised how many apply to me, or almost do. The list is below, with the ones that don't apply deleted:

You might be a physics major...

• if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically. [if you count Excel]
  
• if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
• if you chuckle whenever anyone says 'centrifugal force.'
• if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major. [sometimes, more so after reading this list]
• if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
• if you think in 'math.'
• if you have a pet named after a scientist. [my roommate has a pet named after a fictional doctor, close enough]
• if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
• if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment. [If I weren't allergic, this would be believable]
• if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says 'Exit.'
• if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe. [I get worried about things like this about once a year...I also try to breathe slower to make up for all the trees I kill]
• if you consider ANY non-science course 'easy.' [I consider any non-science course a physics major would ever take easy..."Mathematical Modeling Applications in Finance" wasn't at all easy, nor was Financial Derivatives, but a physics major would never be exposed to them, so I'm counting this one. Most intro or intermediate courses outside of science are unbelievably easy, and in the humanities they almost all are, especially compared to physics.]
• if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe. [I tried that once...]
  
• if you'll assume that a 'horse' is a 'sphere' in order to make the math easier.
• if you understood more than five of these indicators.
• if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door. [Door, blog, whatever]

I also think the following jokes are funny:

"A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?"

"Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature." [think about it]

"Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side"

"Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.'"

"There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'"

Thanks to physlink.com for the jokes, and others. I didn't include some of my favorites that appear on the site because most everyone I know has already heard them before from me.