My Congressional Hypothesis

So far 17 Republican congressmen plus 6 Republican senators have announced they won't be running as incumbents. The buzz is that this is not only a bad sign for the how the Republican party's doing, but that it will spell trouble for the Republicans come election time.

Now, of course, the Republicans ARE in a bit of trouble come election time (though they still might hold onto the White House). But I don't think the two are related. In fact, I think these resignations will HELP the Republicans come election time. And I think the Republican leadership KNOWS this, but doesn't want to tell anyone. Why? Because part of why it will work so well is that no one knows it's a political move.

Look at the people leaving. These are the people who embody what sickens the country about the Republican party. On top of the scandals and corruption, throw in the fact that these are some of the most loyal self-proclaimed "Bush Republicans" around. What's the GOP's biggest liability in the coming election? Bush's Hindenburg-like approval rating. The GOP is gracefully clearing out extremists who are, in the public eye, inextricably linked with an unpopular, failed, and even hidden, Bush agenda.

So now in 17 congressional districts and 6 state senate elections, the Republicans can run moderates; they can run young guys with clean records; but most importantly, they can run people who have little or no association with the Bush White House. If they take back either the house or the senate, that's how they have to do it. They got creamed in the last round.

Their presidential candidate, whoever he may be, can handle being a Bush Republican, because he'll have experience, and a lot of visibility and ability to clarify all his differences. He'll be his own man. But those running for congress don't have the luxury of that much media attention, money, and other things that equate to public exposure. (Also, let's be honest, it's easier to win when running against a woman or a guy whose middle name is Hussein--but more on why the Democratic candidates are so weak later.)

I'm calling it now: all these resignations are more than rats fleeing a sinking ship. They're washing the stench of failure off some of their more visible failures, and they'll be able to run untainted candidate on a level playing field. Same old tactics; fresh new faces.

Thoughts?

(PS - if any of my readers are over 25 and live in traditionally conservative districts where a "Bush Republican" is running as an incumbent, you've got a decent chance to make it to congress as a Democrat or even an independent in this climate.)

My Burger Limerick

Cynara asked for a burger-related limerick. Here's what I came up with in 80 seconds at 1:50 in the morning. I thought I'd share it with everyone, because--as I've mentioned--it's 1:50 (now 1:52) in the morning.

There once was a burger called Brighton
Whose toppings could truly enlighten
With bacon and cheese
But no mayonnaise please
It's a meal that I have set my sights on.

My Old Iraq Plan

I'm leaving for Boston tomorrow, so I probably won't be updating until after the Thanksgiving weekend. Before I go, I'd like to wish all my readers (both of you) a happy Thanksgiving.

I'd also like to point out that this article in the New York Times recommends pretty much EXACTLY the same plan I proposed back in 2003. I was told that I was being silly and naive, and that politics didn't work that way. Oh, how foolish I was in my younger years, to think of a plan that, after 4 years of quagmire, a former US Ambassador and current consultant to the US Government on Iraq policy is now espousing.

I have an idea: let's start judging ideas based on their merits instead of their source.

My Rockapella Speech

How many people have heard President Bush speak about tracking down terrorists a few dozen times? OK, you can put your hands down. Now, here's the 64,000 dollar question of this post: if, when writing these addresses to the nation, the speech writing team were replaced by the guys who wrote the "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?" theme song, how long would it take people to notice?

Imagine the President goes on TV; the subject of terrorism gets brought up in a press conference; and he starts saying things like: "We will hunt these sticky-fingered filchers down no matter what, and it must be a global effort. They cannot hide. If they step foot on US soil, airport security will not permit them to leave O'Hare, much less rearm in Czechoslovakia and come back. We will not stand idly by while they finance their efforts through scams in Scandinavia under the noses of their lax police forces. We will not permit them to take a boat to China and seek asylum among those who claim to want friendly relationships with our great nation. No weapons purchased from arms dealers in Kiev will make their way to the Carolinas..."

Seriously, how different does that sound from what he usually says? My answer, sadly, has to be "not very." The only difference I can see is that this version makes it sound like he knows a little bit more about geography than he usually does.

PS - It's been suggested that I submit some modified version of my last two posts (My Mayor I and II) as an editorial to the Philadelphia Inquirer. Any thoughts?

My New Mayor II

After Mayor-elect Nutter called for help from the best and brightest of the city, I started thinking, "I wonder if he means me." I sent my resume in just in case he did mean me. And I started my cover letter with the message I'd want to send were I the new mayor (or rather, if I were the new mayor and only had 30 minutes to think of and write something):

[Editor's note and required background information: "A Prayer for the City" is a famous book chronicling how Mayor Rendell & Co got us through Philadelphia's last crisis]

My favorite thing to do after the Eagles win is to take a walk down any street in the city. It is during these hours that Philadelphia achieves its highest potential. People who met hours before stream out of sports bars with their arms around each other singing; perfect strangers hop on each others’ backs and let out yelps of joy; t-shirt clad joggers feel free to smile, stop and chat with anyone wearing a jersey; we feel camaraderie; we feel safe; and we are a family.

And it shouldn’t be just after Eagle wins that we act like it. It’s not enough just to live close together. We need to be a community, to ask “what’s up?” and care about the answer, to look after each other, to watch over our neighbors and neighborhoods, to grow together, to learn together, and to raise and educate children together. We must share in each others’ joys and victories, and support each other in times of sorrow and need. And in doing so, we’ll save lives. We’ll protect and be protected. And we’ll imbue our communities with strength so deeply rooted that no budget deficit or crime wave can undermine it.

Philadelphia has some tough times ahead, and the city government may not have all the resources it would like to support community efforts. But I have faith that the communities will rise to the challenge if asked, as potential public servants and local leaders are eager to answer the Mayor-elect’s call for assistance and collaboration.

This time around we won’t need a prayer for our city. Civic pride must and will extend beyond volunteerism and civil service. Individual citizens will share in the sacrifice, share in the burden, share in the planning, share in the work, and share in our inevitable triumph. I’ve lived in and around Philadelphia my whole life, and I’m confident we’ll stand up and be counted together. We’ll face challenges with resolve, and say “bring it on.” I’m thrilled to see that, less than 48 hours after the polls closed, the Mayor-elect has already started doing all the right things, and it gives me hope. We won’t need a prayer for the city this time around. We’ll create our own miracles.

My New Mayor

Michael Nutter, the Mayor-elect of Philadelphia, has one of the toughest jobs in the world ahead of him. He'll soon be steering the good ship Philadelphia, now facing a wave of violence, into the dark, murky waters of financial hardship, along with other obtuse seafaring metaphors. But despite an incompetent and corrupt predecessor, this isn't shaping up to be a Titanic story. There's no one I'd rather have captaining this cruise-liner upon which I find myself than the thoughtful local statesman (cityman?) behind my beloved Philadelphia smoking ban. And as captain, he's not just protecting his passengers: he's asking for their help.

Extending my streak of cliches, just as people are asked to answer calls of heroism, Michael Nutter is dialing up the best and brightest of our great city, and the CallerID says "Civic Duty." He's asking businesses to lend employees to the city--from top executives to rising stars--to serve on boards and commissions and to work as city employees. He's imploring bright energetic Philadelphia-lovers to take a year or two and work for the city, even if a life of public service isn't for everyone.

Two days after the election, Nutter is showing the kind of leadership that this city needs (and better leadership than Street showed in 8 years). I think this is exactly what we need, and it shouldn't stop after our best and brightest solve this impending crisis (I have confidence). Working for the city should be like the Peace Corps or Teach for America. We should create fellowship opportunities for young people to serve their communities as civil servants for a year or two. Competition for these coveted opportunities should be fierce, and we should make it prestigious enough that the only complaint the program's detractors will have will be that too many amazing people are being turned away for want of more slots on the elite roster of the Philadelphia Fellows. We should cheer these people as heroes.

Or at least that would be my goal if I were starting this. I hope Mayor Nutter has similar designs. I think this is going to work, and we shouldn't stop just because there's no more crisis.

My Almost Major

My high school physics teacher made quite a few attempts to get me to major in physics. I still like physics, even though I never took a course in it in college. And the other day, DeluxX sent me a list of signs that one might be a physics major. I was surprised how many apply to me, or almost do. The list is below, with the ones that don't apply deleted:

You might be a physics major...

• if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically. [if you count Excel]
  
• if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
• if you chuckle whenever anyone says 'centrifugal force.'
• if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major. [sometimes, more so after reading this list]
• if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
• if you think in 'math.'
• if you have a pet named after a scientist. [my roommate has a pet named after a fictional doctor, close enough]
• if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
• if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment. [If I weren't allergic, this would be believable]
• if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says 'Exit.'
• if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe. [I get worried about things like this about once a year...I also try to breathe slower to make up for all the trees I kill]
• if you consider ANY non-science course 'easy.' [I consider any non-science course a physics major would ever take easy..."Mathematical Modeling Applications in Finance" wasn't at all easy, nor was Financial Derivatives, but a physics major would never be exposed to them, so I'm counting this one. Most intro or intermediate courses outside of science are unbelievably easy, and in the humanities they almost all are, especially compared to physics.]
• if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe. [I tried that once...]
  
• if you'll assume that a 'horse' is a 'sphere' in order to make the math easier.
• if you understood more than five of these indicators.
• if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door. [Door, blog, whatever]

I also think the following jokes are funny:

"A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?"

"Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature." [think about it]

"Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side"

"Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.'"

"There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'"

Thanks to physlink.com for the jokes, and others. I didn't include some of my favorites that appear on the site because most everyone I know has already heard them before from me.