My Four Year Old Fashion Column

Fashion Advice from my Inner Four Year Old:
1.) Orange shirts with red shorts are the new red shirts with orange shorts.

2.) Underwear is never inappropriate. Not as an undergarment, and not as a headdress.
2a.) Pulled down over ones face, with only the fly through which to see, certain kinds of underwear also make nice mummy masks.

3.) Contrary to popular belief, belts are not meant to keep your pants up. That's a myth. Belts are meant to help you hold things, like swords and laser guns and tools and tricorders and spy equipment. Elastic is meant to keep your pants up.

4.) You may have 3 pairs of shoes. Sneakers, boots, and "nice." Any more than that and you're a girl.

5.) In the absence of facial hair, facial chocolate is acceptable.

6.) Tying sneakers is a practice meant to help keep sneakers attached to feet. If tying them is unnecessary to accomplish that purpose, then it's unnecessary.

7.) Changing in the middle of the day--regardless of events--is for fashion models, stage actors, and Halloween.

8.) Messy is the new combed.

9.) Adding a tie to any shorts-and-t-shirt outfit is a great was to bring class and style to a nice dinner out with the family.

10.) Capes never go out of style. Never.