My Single File Line

Cynara's been an instructor at a local gymnastics camp the past few weeks. And she noticed something, thinking it evidence of a generational gap. Children (campers) are referring to the act of taking a position in a single file line that isn't in the back and without permission as "busting." She had always referred to it as "cutting" in line. While I am familiar with her expression and not "busting," in first grade we called it "budging"--a term with which Cynara was unfamiliar. So I'm not yet convinced it means we're too old. I'd like to invite readers to comment on cutting in line. (Have you heard busting? What did you call it, how long ago, and where?) Furthermore, after the wildly popular fashion column written by my inner four-year old, I've invited my inner six year old to finish off this column with a few pointers and pet peeves about dealing with a single file line. So without further adieu, my inner five year old:

Rule #1: No cutting. Cutting is defined as taking a new and non-last place in a single file line without permission. This is the cardinal rule of single file lines, and if you can't handle it, you should be sent back to kindergarten or preschool. Every first grader is expected to follow this rule as if they were Starfleet officers following the Prime Directive, or girls so thoroughly following whatever unwritten rulebook makes them so confusing.

Rule #2: Permission for entering the single file line mid-file may be given in special cases. This is not cutting, but rather called "cutsies" [Adult Editor's Note: or at least it was in 1990 when I was in first grade]. Cutsies is when an established line member lets you into line directly next to them. There are limitations on cutsies, however, as described below.

Rule #3 (Vocabulary): Cutsies are divided into two categories, reflecting the one-dimensional nature of a single-file line. "Frontsies" are cutsies in front of the permission-granting party, and "backsies" are cutsies in back of the permission-granting party. Cutsies, frontsies and backsies are both singular and plural. More on this later.

Rule #4: Only one Cutsies may be granted per line member per line.

Rule #5: Recipients of Cutsies may NOT grant Cutsies in that line. Cutsies is discretionary privilege attained by getting one's spot the old fashioned way: earning it (much like Smith Barney). There are special exceptions to this rule, but usually it involves the rearranging of the line, and doesn't apply to newcomers.

Rule #6: Unless you have the express permission of the person behind you, NO BACKSIES. I cannot stress this enough. YOUR BACKSIE IS SOMEBODY ELSE'S FRONTSIE. Impromptu backsies is a SERIOUS breach of etiquette.

(Commentary on Rule the Sixth: Why not just have the person in back of you give frontsies? He might want to use his one someone else. Also, be aware, the people behind you in line may overrule a backsies anyway--see Rule the Eighth for details.)

Rule #7: No reciprocal frontsies. Reciprocal frontsies = backsies. And, as we've established, your backsie is someone else's frontsie.

Rule #8: The collective community behind you can overrule any Cutsies actions with a simple majority vote. If necessary, votes will be weighted based on appropriate metrics (sometimes that metric will be time spent in line, but more frequently it's weighted by ability to beat up the person offering Cutsies at recess. For the sake of your health and social life, never defy a two-thirds majority uproar.

While the more nuanced subtleties have been left out, this should prove a useful guide for your next experience in a single-file line of children.