So after the last two elections, bumper stickers and buttons came out saying things like "Al Gore is MY President" or "Kerry is MY President." Well you know what? Boise State is MY National Champion (for college football). The only undefeated team in the country, winning the Fiesta Bowl on a series of miracle plays, including a last ditch hook-and-ladder to force an overtime and a gutsy and miraculous Statue of Liberty 2 point conversion to win in overtime. Florida? Ohio State? USC? Please. Boise State is my #1.
Which brought up an interesting question...what would Boise State running back Ian Johnson have to do to have a better day than he did at the Fiesta Bowl? In addition to his 101 rushing yards and a touchdown, this guy carried the ball from the quarterback's hands on the last play of the game in overtime (the Statue of Liberty), and ran it into the endzone untouched, completing a come-from-behind victory--both in the game and the entire football program's history. He then threw the ball into the stands, ran over to Chrissy, his cheerleader girlfriend, and proposed on national television with countless fans--both old and new--watching and cheering his victory and engagement.
So here's what a better day would have to look like (thanks to First Tiger for his help in figuring this out):
-Wins the Superbowl
-Finds out that after a year of trying, Chrissy is finally pregnant
-Discovers that the cancer he had been battling all year has not only gone into remission, but has been completely cured
-Realizes the cancer was cured by something he ingested, and on the back of a sheet of paper--the front being what he used to personally script the miracle play that won the Superbowl of course (did I forget to mention that?)--writes down the chemical formula for a drug that will cure cancer forever.
-Is immediately informed he'll be winning a Nobel Prize for what he just did, and declares his intent to donate all the money to feed hungry children
-Uses his clout to push through nationalized health insurance for everyone
-Osama bin Laden, after seeing and hearing of this, declares that no civilization that could produce such a man as Ian Johnson could possibly be evil, calls off the whole jihad thing, and after a 5 minute congratulatory phone conversation with the running back, accepts Ian's plan for world peace, and the two of them get every nation in the world to sign onto it.
Oh yeah and -Wins the lottery
If you take out any one or two of those, the day probably ranks in the "Top 2" category.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
My Jealousy
Chuck: "Well, it's 5am, and my first class is at 3pm, so I should go to sleep so I can get a solid 9 1/2 hours."
Also, what's up with almost everyone I know having a job except me? Not to mention a working computer...I miss my Excel.
Is there any interest on posts concerning serious issues? Like Rendell's new Healthcare plan for Pennsylvania? Or maybe stuff that happens to me in life? Or should I just stick with the funny?
Random Futurama Quote:
Also, what's up with almost everyone I know having a job except me? Not to mention a working computer...I miss my Excel.
Is there any interest on posts concerning serious issues? Like Rendell's new Healthcare plan for Pennsylvania? Or maybe stuff that happens to me in life? Or should I just stick with the funny?
Random Futurama Quote:
Sunday, January 14, 2007
My Random Eavesdroppings
Rick Blaine, on the phone: "You're totally awesome; I'm so impressed. What you do is amazing...yeah, sounds great...ok...I love you too...all right, goodnight, Chuck."
Lilly's friend overheard the following: "So I was breastfeeding this kitten..."
When seeing the movie Troy, in theaters, after a guy named Achilles, who has been the main character for 2+ hours, gets shot in the heel: "OH! Achilles HEEL! I get it now..."
When seeing Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, over 2 hours after it was announced that Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader impregnated Padme, and after hearing a droid announce that she's carrying twins: "OH! Luke and Leia!"
Lilly's friend overheard the following: "So I was breastfeeding this kitten..."
When seeing the movie Troy, in theaters, after a guy named Achilles, who has been the main character for 2+ hours, gets shot in the heel: "OH! Achilles HEEL! I get it now..."
When seeing Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, over 2 hours after it was announced that Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader impregnated Padme, and after hearing a droid announce that she's carrying twins: "OH! Luke and Leia!"
Friday, January 12, 2007
My Really Weird Conversation in a Grocery Store
Me: For some reason I smelled peanut butter today when there wasn't any.
Cynara: Are you sure you're not pregnant?
Me: You want me to get tested for that, don't you?
Cynara: If you don't mind.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm...
Cynara: Look, I don't mind raising it, but Chuck has to pay child support.
Me: I'm telling him you said that.
Cynara: I'm sure any child you two had would be a good kid.
Me: Forget telling just Chuck. This is totally going in my blog.
Cynara: I'm just assuming it's his...but come on, whose else could it be?
Cynara: Are you sure you're not pregnant?
Me: You want me to get tested for that, don't you?
Cynara: If you don't mind.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm...
Cynara: Look, I don't mind raising it, but Chuck has to pay child support.
Me: I'm telling him you said that.
Cynara: I'm sure any child you two had would be a good kid.
Me: Forget telling just Chuck. This is totally going in my blog.
Cynara: I'm just assuming it's his...but come on, whose else could it be?
Sunday, January 07, 2007
My Wild Card Playoff Game
Kickoff in less than 4 hours. I figured I'd funnel my excitement into a fairly random blog post. With my main computer broken, I don't have a lot of better things to do that don't require pants.
Background for those of you who live on Mars: at 4:30 today, the Eagles host their division rival Giants in a first round playoff game. Winner advances--loser goes home and plans for next season.
The game is starting to affect my interactions with people...take these paraphrased snippets for example...
Chuck: Let's get wings for game.
Me: Yes, like the wings emblazened on the helmets of the team that will destroy your team. Very appropriate food.
Sheba: How come you're not going to the game?
Me: Well, I couldn't get tickets, and besides, Chuck [my Giants fan roommate] is going to need someone to hold him after the game. Normally anyone could tell he needed a hug--because he'd be crying--but I expect that by the time this is over, he won't have any tears left.
DeluxX: Why are you insane today?
Me: I'm not, but to someone not from Philadelphia, being an Eagles fan looks like insanity.
Hypothetical Person: What classes are you taking this semester?
Me: Ass Kicking 211 - Eagles Destroying Giants
People may say I'm going overboard. To those people, I say, read this:
http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/news/16396724.htm
THAT is going overboard.
If the Giants win, boy will my face be red. Fortunately, no matter what happens, I'll be happy at the end of the game because I'll get to see Cynara after 2+ weeks (she's like the Futurama of girlfriends...and if you don't "aw" at that, you obviously don't know me, but thanks for reading my blog anyway).
Background for those of you who live on Mars: at 4:30 today, the Eagles host their division rival Giants in a first round playoff game. Winner advances--loser goes home and plans for next season.
The game is starting to affect my interactions with people...take these paraphrased snippets for example...
Chuck: Let's get wings for game.
Me: Yes, like the wings emblazened on the helmets of the team that will destroy your team. Very appropriate food.
Sheba: How come you're not going to the game?
Me: Well, I couldn't get tickets, and besides, Chuck [my Giants fan roommate] is going to need someone to hold him after the game. Normally anyone could tell he needed a hug--because he'd be crying--but I expect that by the time this is over, he won't have any tears left.
DeluxX: Why are you insane today?
Me: I'm not, but to someone not from Philadelphia, being an Eagles fan looks like insanity.
Hypothetical Person: What classes are you taking this semester?
Me: Ass Kicking 211 - Eagles Destroying Giants
People may say I'm going overboard. To those people, I say, read this:
http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/news/16396724.htm
THAT is going overboard.
If the Giants win, boy will my face be red. Fortunately, no matter what happens, I'll be happy at the end of the game because I'll get to see Cynara after 2+ weeks (she's like the Futurama of girlfriends...and if you don't "aw" at that, you obviously don't know me, but thanks for reading my blog anyway).
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
My Confession
Well, the hit counters are up and running on the side bar (unique hit counter tracks separate IPs I think, the other one just tracks total page loads). It's nice to see that I'm averaging over a half dozen hits per day (not counting my own pathetic checks to see if anyone posted a comment...). Unfortunately, that means it's confession time: the demand for my hilarious observations has now exceeded the supply. I'm not sure how to keep the readers happy. I just can't be hilarious all the time.
So I'm going to conduct a survey (and hopefully people will leave responses in the comments--you don't have to log in or do anything to be able to post!). If I can't think of something particularly hilarious or witty, what should I post? Vote for all that apply. Some suggestions [examples follow in brackets]:
•Quotes, particularly of a funny nature
[DeluxX, commenting on the pictures of Cynara and me: "Aw, you look so happy! And she looks so...why am I dating this guy? I mean, she's smiling, but you can tell it's fake. She's really thinking [puts finger-gun to head and makes three explosion noises]]
•Non-funny posts (observations, editorial rants, opinions, advocacy, shameless plugs)
[Hats off to you, boys of Boise State University. It remains in recent memory the time when your football team was not even Division I-A, and since joining the WAC you've accomplished the kind of escalation few teams in recent collegiate athletic history have been able to do. Enacting a real life underdog story on par with the actual Rudy and the fictitious Mighty Ducks, you went undefeated this entire football season, which culminated with a bowl game win against an established program from a Big 6 conference. With a team of high school recruits overlooked by every major program in the country, playing on laughably bright blue football astroturf, Boise State performed successive miracles all season, and in their bowl game, transforming moxy, heart and trick plays into a win for the ages. The only things missing were the Flying V and the star running back proposing to his cheerleader girlfriend minutes after making a gutsy game-winning play...oh wait, the latter happened.]
•Serious musings
[I believe at the heart of the Net Neutrality debate, there is one main underlying issue no one is considering: high transaction costs. To allow highly customizable internet service, and services betweeen companies like Internet Service Providers, backbone providers and media companies, would create a need for a staggering number of individual contracts and negotiations and highly variable cash flows and services from every participant in the market, including customers. To allow such a system to be implemented--especially one whose costs are not just in the startup phase but are a continuing economic friction on activity--one would need to see obvious and huge benefits of such a system. Since the debate is a close one in the absence of these consideration, the whole notion should be dismissed, and the kind of system that's been working should be legislated as mandatory. Discussion should be reopened if and only if someone can demonstrate significant societal benefits--in terms of aggregate wealth or a far more equitable distribution of wealth with little or no loss--of a more complicated system where Internet providers have variable control over content. Interestingly enough, after stating this position the first time, I was told I'm the very definition of conservative...despite the fact that my position totally looks out for the little guy and consumers and not big business. Interesting that I can be a conservative and a "good guy"...I wonder why Republicans on the hill haven't caught on yet.]
•Poetry
[I really can't
stand
the stupid poem
about
the red wheelbarrow
that
looks just like
this.]
•Updates on my life (think more traditional blog...I don't expect anyone to vote for this one)
[I'm returning to campus on Thursday. The Eagles are playing the Giants at 4:30, which will be awesome--party at my place. Not so much party as warzone perhaps...Giants fans can cry with my roommate Chuck while Eagles fans celebrate with me. Actually, Giants fans, just don't come. Save yourself three hours of pain and watch Gladiator, Lord of the Rings, Apollo 13, or the first half of Titannic instead.]
•Links to interesting websites
[www.addictinggames.com/hyperframe.html
I've been playing this logic game a LOT. It's very fun, addictive, and a great challenge for the brain. And it's easy enough that everyone can beat some levels, and hard enough that the Master levels will make almost anyone scratch their heads. Play on "Mind" not "Speed." I've figured out all 40 levels, so if it's driving you crazy and you want help or a hint, feel free to ask.]
•Write-In
[No example available; your idea here!]
•If you don't have something funny to say, don't say anything at all
[ ]
So please, vote! For as many as you like.
Quotes
Non-Funny Posts
Serious Musings
Poetry
Life Updates
Links
Write-In
If you don't have something funny to post, don't post anything at all
So I'm going to conduct a survey (and hopefully people will leave responses in the comments--you don't have to log in or do anything to be able to post!). If I can't think of something particularly hilarious or witty, what should I post? Vote for all that apply. Some suggestions [examples follow in brackets]:
•Quotes, particularly of a funny nature
[DeluxX, commenting on the pictures of Cynara and me: "Aw, you look so happy! And she looks so...why am I dating this guy? I mean, she's smiling, but you can tell it's fake. She's really thinking [puts finger-gun to head and makes three explosion noises]]
•Non-funny posts (observations, editorial rants, opinions, advocacy, shameless plugs)
[Hats off to you, boys of Boise State University. It remains in recent memory the time when your football team was not even Division I-A, and since joining the WAC you've accomplished the kind of escalation few teams in recent collegiate athletic history have been able to do. Enacting a real life underdog story on par with the actual Rudy and the fictitious Mighty Ducks, you went undefeated this entire football season, which culminated with a bowl game win against an established program from a Big 6 conference. With a team of high school recruits overlooked by every major program in the country, playing on laughably bright blue football astroturf, Boise State performed successive miracles all season, and in their bowl game, transforming moxy, heart and trick plays into a win for the ages. The only things missing were the Flying V and the star running back proposing to his cheerleader girlfriend minutes after making a gutsy game-winning play...oh wait, the latter happened.]
•Serious musings
[I believe at the heart of the Net Neutrality debate, there is one main underlying issue no one is considering: high transaction costs. To allow highly customizable internet service, and services betweeen companies like Internet Service Providers, backbone providers and media companies, would create a need for a staggering number of individual contracts and negotiations and highly variable cash flows and services from every participant in the market, including customers. To allow such a system to be implemented--especially one whose costs are not just in the startup phase but are a continuing economic friction on activity--one would need to see obvious and huge benefits of such a system. Since the debate is a close one in the absence of these consideration, the whole notion should be dismissed, and the kind of system that's been working should be legislated as mandatory. Discussion should be reopened if and only if someone can demonstrate significant societal benefits--in terms of aggregate wealth or a far more equitable distribution of wealth with little or no loss--of a more complicated system where Internet providers have variable control over content. Interestingly enough, after stating this position the first time, I was told I'm the very definition of conservative...despite the fact that my position totally looks out for the little guy and consumers and not big business. Interesting that I can be a conservative and a "good guy"...I wonder why Republicans on the hill haven't caught on yet.]
•Poetry
[I really can't
stand
the stupid poem
about
the red wheelbarrow
that
looks just like
this.]
•Updates on my life (think more traditional blog...I don't expect anyone to vote for this one)
[I'm returning to campus on Thursday. The Eagles are playing the Giants at 4:30, which will be awesome--party at my place. Not so much party as warzone perhaps...Giants fans can cry with my roommate Chuck while Eagles fans celebrate with me. Actually, Giants fans, just don't come. Save yourself three hours of pain and watch Gladiator, Lord of the Rings, Apollo 13, or the first half of Titannic instead.]
•Links to interesting websites
[www.addictinggames.com/hyperframe.html
I've been playing this logic game a LOT. It's very fun, addictive, and a great challenge for the brain. And it's easy enough that everyone can beat some levels, and hard enough that the Master levels will make almost anyone scratch their heads. Play on "Mind" not "Speed." I've figured out all 40 levels, so if it's driving you crazy and you want help or a hint, feel free to ask.]
•Write-In
[No example available; your idea here!]
•If you don't have something funny to say, don't say anything at all
[ ]
So please, vote! For as many as you like.
Quotes
Non-Funny Posts
Serious Musings
Poetry
Life Updates
Links
Write-In
If you don't have something funny to post, don't post anything at all
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