Costco Reviews

So apparently a while ago, as a spoof, I came up with these "true testimonials" of Costco shoppers. Having found them over a year later, I think they're pretty funny, and though I have no memory of writing them, I'm going to repost them here.

Actual Testimonials of Costco Shoppers

"The sales got me so hot, I had to pour McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off!" -Anna Q. Pendleton

"Finally, we have an answer to the question: Where Would Jesus Shop?" -Mike Huckabee

"Costco is SO great that not recognizing it would make Santa Claus himself vomit in rage" -Hershel Bartlet

"It was always my dream to create a fantastic play, and with Costco's help, I'm making it happen! Who knew you could buy monkeys AND typewriters in 4,000-packs at the same store?" -Arthur D. Miller

"As a smoking hot woman, I found this store to be so impressive I'd seriously consider making out with any guy I saw shopping there" -Jessica Peterson

"I was lonely, so I started hanging out at Costco hoping to find a wife--and wouldn't you know it, I found three! That's Costco for you..." -Mitt Romney

"Costco and the Dalai Lama can combine to form the perfect store...and the Dalai Lama." -Chuck Norris

"You go to a neighbor when you need a cup of something. You go to the corner when you need a pint of something. You go to the grocery store for a gallon of something. But Costco...Costco is where you go when you need a crate full of boxes full of 3-packs of something. And for me, today, that something was vacuum cleaners. Thanks, Costco!" -Samantha Hirsch