I haven't posted in a while, so apologies to my avid readers (yeah yeah, both of you). I've doing research in my hiatus from blogging.
The first kind of research was for my math modeling applications in finance class. To complete my investigation, I built an Excel model so complicated that takes 26 seconds just to calculate the cell values (no macros--I had to turn automatic calculations off). Anyway, now I'm done with that--no more graded work for the class. Huzzah!
The second kind of research that kept me from blogging was research on my next blog topic. Stay tuned for an interesting bit of science journalism in a future post.
And while we're on the subject of research, congratulations to Cynara on finishing her thesis! Two years of research culminated in an all-nighter followed by 6 hours of printing this past Thursday/Friday--the end product being a 120 page book on an esoteric niche of Ming dynasty cultural history. My contribution was staying up with her and providing entertainment in the form of movies and hilarious suggestions for chapter titles. I know my limitations.
Anyway, since I didn't have anything funny, here's another joke from my Finance professor, who is fast becoming a minor personal hero of mine, because really hates investment bankers:
Why do Scientists prefer to experiment on Investment Bankers instead of the usual white rats?
1) There are more investment bankers
2) No one ever gets attached to an investment banker
3) There are some things even white rats won't do
#2 is my favorite. Sorry, Dad.
[Editor's Addendum: I think #2 would be funnier as "The scientists kept getting attached to the white rats" - thoughts?]
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
My New Mailbox
mailboxes.jpg
Take a look at the future. The United States Postal Service is helping celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars with these new R2-D2 mailboxes. Don't believe the rumors, and the confirmation by TheForce.net, the preeminent online Star Wars news source? Take a look at the trailer for this fast approaching campaign: http://www.uspsjedimaster.com/teaser/form.html
And if you don't believe that, just go to the US Postal Service's official website and watch Artoo roll around the screen.
R2-D2 is the perfect mascot for the United States Postal Service. He delivered the Death Star plans, against incredible odds, and did so in time to save the Rebellion. No greater courier exists in reality or mythology. It's a perfect partnership, and a way for the struggling USPS to attract some publicity, especially among a younger, cooler and retail-level audience. A good business decision on their part to be sure--and on the part of Star Wars? Well, that's just awesome (and also good publicity, and a way to keep the franchise the public consciousness even after the movies are all done). It's a great partnership, resulting in some awesome mailboxes and maybe some other stuff.
On a completely unrelated note, an African leader is claiming to have a cure for AIDS, which came to him in a dream (via his ancestors of course). Maybe dating Cynara is tempering my constant skepticism, or maybe it's just the scale of the potential rewards, but I'm actually hoping this works. I don't think it's a cure (or for that matter anything at all), but what if it helps combat the virus, even in some small way? I'm hoping there's something here, even though there's virtually no chance this 7-herb/spice concoction will live up to its creator's claims. Still...wouldn't it be great if it does? My main worry, however, is the same as everyone else's: he's giving people false hope. His reluctance to let people examine the concoction is a little troublesome...hopefully the scientific community will rush to debunk the wild claims and determine what--if any--uses this syrupy serum has.
Take a look at the future. The United States Postal Service is helping celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars with these new R2-D2 mailboxes. Don't believe the rumors, and the confirmation by TheForce.net, the preeminent online Star Wars news source? Take a look at the trailer for this fast approaching campaign: http://www.uspsjedimaster.com/teaser/form.html
And if you don't believe that, just go to the US Postal Service's official website and watch Artoo roll around the screen.
R2-D2 is the perfect mascot for the United States Postal Service. He delivered the Death Star plans, against incredible odds, and did so in time to save the Rebellion. No greater courier exists in reality or mythology. It's a perfect partnership, and a way for the struggling USPS to attract some publicity, especially among a younger, cooler and retail-level audience. A good business decision on their part to be sure--and on the part of Star Wars? Well, that's just awesome (and also good publicity, and a way to keep the franchise the public consciousness even after the movies are all done). It's a great partnership, resulting in some awesome mailboxes and maybe some other stuff.
On a completely unrelated note, an African leader is claiming to have a cure for AIDS, which came to him in a dream (via his ancestors of course). Maybe dating Cynara is tempering my constant skepticism, or maybe it's just the scale of the potential rewards, but I'm actually hoping this works. I don't think it's a cure (or for that matter anything at all), but what if it helps combat the virus, even in some small way? I'm hoping there's something here, even though there's virtually no chance this 7-herb/spice concoction will live up to its creator's claims. Still...wouldn't it be great if it does? My main worry, however, is the same as everyone else's: he's giving people false hope. His reluctance to let people examine the concoction is a little troublesome...hopefully the scientific community will rush to debunk the wild claims and determine what--if any--uses this syrupy serum has.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
My Pi Day
Happy Pi Day!
What a great day Pi Day is, especially this one. The weather was kind enough to provide a beautiful day, one suitable for t-shirts, allowing me to wear one of my pi shirts (I chose the blue one, with the pi made of 4,000+ digits, a gift from Lilly). In addition to it being gorgeous outside, I also got to enjoy Half-Priced Burger Wednesday. March 14th TOTALLY trumps February 14th. We just should move Valentine's Day to Pi Day and admit it. Besides, as the saying goes "Love is like pi: natural, irrational, and very important."
A note to my readers: many of you are without names. It's hard to tell stories about you when you don't have an appropriate pseudonym. Though I would like to publicly congratulate my wonderful summer roommate (maybe I'll call her "First Tigress" to put the pressure on a certain someone...) on getting an absolutely amazing job. I knew she would get it, but it's nice to see her so happy now that she knows too. I wuv her, with an Earth W.
*** You can stop reading here ***
*** Below is just a stupid joke ***
My finance professor likes to tell jokes in class. When I write non-funny blogs, I think I might start putting in some of his jokes. If they're even worse than I think they are, let me know and I'll stop. Here's one he told about himself:
As a prestigious finance professor, he gets asked to participate in all sorts of things, and one thing he really wanted to do was be on the board of a new research institute. So when asked, he jumped at the chance, but had to interview with the Director, because several other prestigious finance professors wanted to do it too (and they wanted diversity). So in the interview, things were going well, and randomly, very quickly, the interviewer asked, "What's 3 times 7?" My professor said "22" and kept going with the interview. He realized it was a mistake soon after blurting out the wrong answer, but the interviewer didn't seem to mind and just kept taking notes as he listened to answers to more important questions.
My professor went home and told his wife he blew the interview by missing a stupid question and oh well. He didn't think much of it, but later got a call asking him to accept the position. He of course did. At the grand opening reception that was held for all the people involved, my professor saw the man he interviewed with and decided to ask him about the botched question. He asked, "Do you remember my interview?"
"Yes, of course."
"Do you remember asking me what 3 times 7 is?"
"Yes, we asked everybody that question."
"Do you remember my answer?"
"Yes, in fact, I wrote it down."
"Well...not to sound ungrateful, but how did I get this job?"
To which the Director replied, "Oh, that's very easy! Of all the finance professors we asked, you were the closest."
What a great day Pi Day is, especially this one. The weather was kind enough to provide a beautiful day, one suitable for t-shirts, allowing me to wear one of my pi shirts (I chose the blue one, with the pi made of 4,000+ digits, a gift from Lilly). In addition to it being gorgeous outside, I also got to enjoy Half-Priced Burger Wednesday. March 14th TOTALLY trumps February 14th. We just should move Valentine's Day to Pi Day and admit it. Besides, as the saying goes "Love is like pi: natural, irrational, and very important."
A note to my readers: many of you are without names. It's hard to tell stories about you when you don't have an appropriate pseudonym. Though I would like to publicly congratulate my wonderful summer roommate (maybe I'll call her "First Tigress" to put the pressure on a certain someone...) on getting an absolutely amazing job. I knew she would get it, but it's nice to see her so happy now that she knows too. I wuv her, with an Earth W.
*** You can stop reading here ***
*** Below is just a stupid joke ***
My finance professor likes to tell jokes in class. When I write non-funny blogs, I think I might start putting in some of his jokes. If they're even worse than I think they are, let me know and I'll stop. Here's one he told about himself:
As a prestigious finance professor, he gets asked to participate in all sorts of things, and one thing he really wanted to do was be on the board of a new research institute. So when asked, he jumped at the chance, but had to interview with the Director, because several other prestigious finance professors wanted to do it too (and they wanted diversity). So in the interview, things were going well, and randomly, very quickly, the interviewer asked, "What's 3 times 7?" My professor said "22" and kept going with the interview. He realized it was a mistake soon after blurting out the wrong answer, but the interviewer didn't seem to mind and just kept taking notes as he listened to answers to more important questions.
My professor went home and told his wife he blew the interview by missing a stupid question and oh well. He didn't think much of it, but later got a call asking him to accept the position. He of course did. At the grand opening reception that was held for all the people involved, my professor saw the man he interviewed with and decided to ask him about the botched question. He asked, "Do you remember my interview?"
"Yes, of course."
"Do you remember asking me what 3 times 7 is?"
"Yes, we asked everybody that question."
"Do you remember my answer?"
"Yes, in fact, I wrote it down."
"Well...not to sound ungrateful, but how did I get this job?"
To which the Director replied, "Oh, that's very easy! Of all the finance professors we asked, you were the closest."
Thursday, March 08, 2007
My Ruined Lunch
I had a really funny story to post, but I think it might be a little too...disgusting, for some of my readers. Especially for my readers with class. So I'm going to only tell you ABOUT the story, instead of telling you the story. Oh, and don't read this while you're eating if you have an active imagination.
This story involves me trying to eat lunch while hearing DeluxX scream things from a nearby bathroom through the--thankfully--closed door. It involves him screaming things like:
-"Holy crap; it exploded! I can't believe it exploded!"
-"Mom, how much did you like the wallpaper in here?"
-"Does anyone mind if I ruin some towels?"
-"AHHH! MY LEG!"
-"I can't figure out how to work this thing!"
-"It's so hot in here! I'm going to pass out!" "You realize there's a fan in there, right?" "Wait what?"
-"I give up. I'm going upstairs. Um...nobody go in here while I'm gone."
I don't even want to know what he was doing.
And I only got halfway through my lunch.
This story involves me trying to eat lunch while hearing DeluxX scream things from a nearby bathroom through the--thankfully--closed door. It involves him screaming things like:
-"Holy crap; it exploded! I can't believe it exploded!"
-"Mom, how much did you like the wallpaper in here?"
-"Does anyone mind if I ruin some towels?"
-"AHHH! MY LEG!"
-"I can't figure out how to work this thing!"
-"It's so hot in here! I'm going to pass out!" "You realize there's a fan in there, right?" "Wait what?"
-"I give up. I'm going upstairs. Um...nobody go in here while I'm gone."
I don't even want to know what he was doing.
And I only got halfway through my lunch.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
My Purim
So, Happy Purim to the Jews out there. And to the rest of you...hamantaschen are WAY better than Christmas cookies.
This Purim was especially hilarious for me, as not only did one Rabbi cross dress while the other played the villain Haman by wearing nothing but jeans and a Terrell Owens jersey for a costume, but the megillah reading was a warm-up act for the real comedy: Lewis Black, who did mostly new material and seemed surprisingly pleased to be playing a synagogue for the first time in his career. I was especially happy with the Jew-specific humor. I was expecting him to say a few words about being there, but to do synagogue and Purim jokes? That was special. I also enjoyed his ability to be a little more frank than usual when mocking other religions (and using the first person plural, as he himself was "born and raised Jewish"). My favorite was his usual bit about how Christmas is totally out of control and people start shopping when the season begins around July 5th. But then he went the Jewish route and said "And we look at these stupid assholes trying to get all their shopping done BEFORE Christmas, and all we can say is 'You guys realize this shit is all 40% off the day after Christmas, right?' If you're smart you'll just put a box under the tree with a note in it that says you'll get a toaster in a month."
Kudos to DeluxX for getting us prime seats front and center 6 rows back.
Also, raspberry hamantaschen with chocolate chips are officially the best holiday cookie in any religion. Between Princess Lolly and my mother, I think I've gained 5 pounds on them this week.
This Purim was especially hilarious for me, as not only did one Rabbi cross dress while the other played the villain Haman by wearing nothing but jeans and a Terrell Owens jersey for a costume, but the megillah reading was a warm-up act for the real comedy: Lewis Black, who did mostly new material and seemed surprisingly pleased to be playing a synagogue for the first time in his career. I was especially happy with the Jew-specific humor. I was expecting him to say a few words about being there, but to do synagogue and Purim jokes? That was special. I also enjoyed his ability to be a little more frank than usual when mocking other religions (and using the first person plural, as he himself was "born and raised Jewish"). My favorite was his usual bit about how Christmas is totally out of control and people start shopping when the season begins around July 5th. But then he went the Jewish route and said "And we look at these stupid assholes trying to get all their shopping done BEFORE Christmas, and all we can say is 'You guys realize this shit is all 40% off the day after Christmas, right?' If you're smart you'll just put a box under the tree with a note in it that says you'll get a toaster in a month."
Kudos to DeluxX for getting us prime seats front and center 6 rows back.
Also, raspberry hamantaschen with chocolate chips are officially the best holiday cookie in any religion. Between Princess Lolly and my mother, I think I've gained 5 pounds on them this week.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
My Mailbox
I think I need to start checking my mail more frequently. I just checked my mailbox today (for the third time this academic year), and here's a partial list of what I found:
-A travel expenses reimbursement check for an interview I had over 2 months ago (the company still hasn't gotten back to me about it though--I'm starting to think rejected)
-A Happy Kwanzaa card (which got glitter all over my hands; well played, Groucho)
-A notification of the classes in which I successfully enrolled for this current semester
-A notification that I will no longer be considered an eligible voter in Philadelphia--and will have to go through some affidavit-signing mumbo-jumbo to vote again--if I don't return a form within 30 days of the notification date...which is 33 days ago
Also, I slipped on a giant thing of ice today and hurt both my legs. Laying on your back, temporarily unable to move, watching snow fall down on you is quite a contemplation-inducing experience. Ow. But as I lay there on the ice, with a giggling yet concerned Princess Lolly dangling a grocery bag over my face so I wouldn't have to eat snow as I panted my way through convalescence, I thought about the precious things in life we sometimes take for granted--and shouldn't. Things like the immense value of having a friend there when you're in pain or in trouble, and on a more basic level, your legs.
-A travel expenses reimbursement check for an interview I had over 2 months ago (the company still hasn't gotten back to me about it though--I'm starting to think rejected)
-A Happy Kwanzaa card (which got glitter all over my hands; well played, Groucho)
-A notification of the classes in which I successfully enrolled for this current semester
-A notification that I will no longer be considered an eligible voter in Philadelphia--and will have to go through some affidavit-signing mumbo-jumbo to vote again--if I don't return a form within 30 days of the notification date...which is 33 days ago
Also, I slipped on a giant thing of ice today and hurt both my legs. Laying on your back, temporarily unable to move, watching snow fall down on you is quite a contemplation-inducing experience. Ow. But as I lay there on the ice, with a giggling yet concerned Princess Lolly dangling a grocery bag over my face so I wouldn't have to eat snow as I panted my way through convalescence, I thought about the precious things in life we sometimes take for granted--and shouldn't. Things like the immense value of having a friend there when you're in pain or in trouble, and on a more basic level, your legs.
Monday, February 19, 2007
My Constraint II
Follow up: Cynara's gymnastics meet went great. Thanks to the support of her teammates and my friends, I managed to get in signage, chanting, foam fingers...and there may have been a ninja involved. Cynara's sister (who probably needs her own name here) gave me the sweetest compliment: "[Cynara's teammates] are probably all wishing they were dating Eagles fans." I was really touched. Shoutouts of thanks to Super King, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, and two people who need to pick names.
[Editor's Addendum: Special thanks to the First Tiger for coming up with the brilliant signage over burgers. Thanks to his scheme, we were a more organized cheering section than any of the teams themselves--which is saying something given their matching leotards.]
And now for something funny...does the following line from the NY Times raise any eyebrows or set off any warning bells in anyone's mind but mine?
"During his 21 years as steward of the Yale endowment, Mr. Swensen has generated an annual compound growth rate of 16.3 percent, beating the performance of Harvard's endowment and that of every other major school in the country over the same period, according to data compiled by Yale."
And for something old that's still funny...this summer, our house dean ran into Rick Blaine and said: "[Rick Blaine]! You've been at the top of my "To Do" list for weeks now!"
Awkward turtle.
[Editor's Addendum: Special thanks to the First Tiger for coming up with the brilliant signage over burgers. Thanks to his scheme, we were a more organized cheering section than any of the teams themselves--which is saying something given their matching leotards.]
And now for something funny...does the following line from the NY Times raise any eyebrows or set off any warning bells in anyone's mind but mine?
"During his 21 years as steward of the Yale endowment, Mr. Swensen has generated an annual compound growth rate of 16.3 percent, beating the performance of Harvard's endowment and that of every other major school in the country over the same period, according to data compiled by Yale."
And for something old that's still funny...this summer, our house dean ran into Rick Blaine and said: "[Rick Blaine]! You've been at the top of my "To Do" list for weeks now!"
Awkward turtle.
Friday, February 16, 2007
My Russian Education
This post is to flesh out the postscript in the previous post. I realized that some people might still have the wrong idea. For those who think they have to learn a lot about Russians, let me disabuse you of that notion and tell you everything you need to know about Russia right here in a convenient Top 10 list:
10- "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" -Frank Zappa
9- It's easier to store dolls in other dolls.
8- Something about Dr. Strangelove. I never saw the movie, but my finance professor talked about it. Apparently it involves Russians.
7- Mutually assured destruction prevents destruction as long as everyone has a lot to lose.
6- Russian Submarines create drama. And a nuclear naval presence. But mainly drama.
5- The Volga river is somewhere in Russia. It once got me a point on an AP World History Geography quiz the first week of class my senior year of high school. It might do the same for you one day.
4- Commies.
3- Philip J. Fry's dad hates Commies.
2- Daffodil.
And the number one thing that everyone needs to know...
1- Never wage a land war in Russia during the winter.
(seriously...just don't)
10- "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff" -Frank Zappa
9- It's easier to store dolls in other dolls.
8- Something about Dr. Strangelove. I never saw the movie, but my finance professor talked about it. Apparently it involves Russians.
7- Mutually assured destruction prevents destruction as long as everyone has a lot to lose.
6- Russian Submarines create drama. And a nuclear naval presence. But mainly drama.
5- The Volga river is somewhere in Russia. It once got me a point on an AP World History Geography quiz the first week of class my senior year of high school. It might do the same for you one day.
4- Commies.
3- Philip J. Fry's dad hates Commies.
2- Daffodil.
And the number one thing that everyone needs to know...
1- Never wage a land war in Russia during the winter.
(seriously...just don't)
My Bad Memory
A lot of funny things have happened to me lately, and I keep saying "that's totally going in my blog!" But to my faithful readers I must apologize, as I seem to be forgetting them before I get to a computer. The only thing I can remember is a rather embarrassing comment by Sheba about Lombard Street being from a Doctor Seuss book. But I won't quote that here.
Today I went to a play, or rather, 6 short plays, all by David Ives. Many of Cynara's friends are in the theater group which put it on (including Cynara herself, the Art Director). I was pleasantly surprised to realize I had seen half of them already, including my favorite one of the lot, The Philadelphia. The only thing I don't like about it is the absolutely stupid notion that Los Angeles is better than Philadelphia. At least they admitted New York and Hell were really the same place in another play. Also, there was a kosher cheesesteak on the menu in The Philadelphia. I want one.
Cynara also invited me to the cast party. I have mixed feelings about this. I don't want to intrude, as I'd clearly be out of place, but on the other hand, I've always wanted to see what a cast party was like.
Under 17 hours until I meet the parents.
PS - I embarrassingly confused Trotsky and Tolstoy in public again. I think it's just time to fess up to the world that I really don't care about the Russians, their writers, their politics, or their famous people. I know enough to understand the "must crush capitalism"joke in the Simpsons, and everything after that is superfluous. So here's my public acknowledgment: I don't read the Russians, nor do I ever intend to. I don't even read ABOUT the Russians. Apologies to Queen Frostine, but they're just too boring.
Today I went to a play, or rather, 6 short plays, all by David Ives. Many of Cynara's friends are in the theater group which put it on (including Cynara herself, the Art Director). I was pleasantly surprised to realize I had seen half of them already, including my favorite one of the lot, The Philadelphia. The only thing I don't like about it is the absolutely stupid notion that Los Angeles is better than Philadelphia. At least they admitted New York and Hell were really the same place in another play. Also, there was a kosher cheesesteak on the menu in The Philadelphia. I want one.
Cynara also invited me to the cast party. I have mixed feelings about this. I don't want to intrude, as I'd clearly be out of place, but on the other hand, I've always wanted to see what a cast party was like.
Under 17 hours until I meet the parents.
PS - I embarrassingly confused Trotsky and Tolstoy in public again. I think it's just time to fess up to the world that I really don't care about the Russians, their writers, their politics, or their famous people. I know enough to understand the "must crush capitalism"joke in the Simpsons, and everything after that is superfluous. So here's my public acknowledgment: I don't read the Russians, nor do I ever intend to. I don't even read ABOUT the Russians. Apologies to Queen Frostine, but they're just too boring.
Monday, February 05, 2007
My First Attempt at Linguistics
First, sorry for the drop-off in posts. I had major computer problems (now I'm on a new one), and then I wasn't very funny for a while. Anyway, a few humorous memories:
When told I'd enjoy linguistics:
"Too much language, not enough istics." And I mean it. I love istics.
And later, to emphasize the "istics":
DeluxX: Pretty soon we're gonna be taking the derivative of a sentence to give it new meaning...when does it end [PiFry], when?
Me: Not to give it NEW meaning...just to interpret the rate of change of the original meaning
And irrelevantly, from the New York Times:
"Last week in Beijing, a foreign ministry spokeswoman failed to respond directly to a debris question. Asked if the satellite’s remains would threaten other spacecraft, she asserted that China’s policy was to keep space free of weapons." [China recently blew up a satellite for fun]
(Does that count as journalism? It's certainly better than CNN's show where they read blogs out loud...)
When told I'd enjoy linguistics:
"Too much language, not enough istics." And I mean it. I love istics.
And later, to emphasize the "istics":
DeluxX: Pretty soon we're gonna be taking the derivative of a sentence to give it new meaning...when does it end [PiFry], when?
Me: Not to give it NEW meaning...just to interpret the rate of change of the original meaning
And irrelevantly, from the New York Times:
"Last week in Beijing, a foreign ministry spokeswoman failed to respond directly to a debris question. Asked if the satellite’s remains would threaten other spacecraft, she asserted that China’s policy was to keep space free of weapons." [China recently blew up a satellite for fun]
(Does that count as journalism? It's certainly better than CNN's show where they read blogs out loud...)
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